How to Apologize
Why Apologize?
Nobody is perfect. Most likely we have said or done things impulsively when emotionally distressed that may have hurt or impacted the people around us. These actions may not be reflective of who we are or who we want to be. Even if we are justified in feeling upset or angry, the intensity of our reaction can overshadow our concerns. Apologizing is typically the first step to repairing the situation.
What is an Apology?
Apologizing means expressing regret for something you did and showing care and respect for the other person. A sincere apology involves
Reflecting on your actions
Taking responsibility for them
Making changes to improve things in the future.
1) Reflect on your Actions
Think about how your actions contributed to a problem, even if they were not the sole cause.
What was my role?
How do my actions look from their side?
How might the other person feel as a result of my actions?
2) Take Responsibility
Say “I’m sorry” (or some version of this phrase) and show regret for your actions. It’s important to speak clearly and sincerely. In most cases, it helps to identify the actions you are apologizing for.
Example: “I'm sorry for the language I used during our argument. It was disrespectful, and it was wrong.”
I’m sorry for…
I apologize for…
I take responsibility for…
It was wrong of me to…
I feel terrible. I shouldn’t have…
This was my fault. I should have…
Never make excuses or try to justify your behavior (e.g. “I’m sorry, but I was tired!”).
3) Listen and Improve
Give the other person a chance to respond without interruption. Forgiveness may take time and is not guaranteed. Emotional distress is part of being human but we want to express what steps we are taking to minimize the impact of it.
Ex
“I am working on better recognizing my triggers”
“I am prioritizing learning self soothing practicing”
Additional Notes
Saying “I’m Sorry” is a good start but is not enough.
Apologizing is not weakness. Apologizing displays a sense of security and emotional maturity to admit failure.